So I am thinking about how I am this invisible person. I've always been invisible, even to people close to me, maybe even especially to people close to me.
I get it. I'm quiet. I have a hard time interacting with people. If anything makes me even a little uncomfortable, I have an even harder time interacting with people. I don't stand out. I don't have amazing or novel ideas really. I'm certainly not the life of the party.
But what I am is the lynchpin. I quietly hold things together and go mostly unnoticed. Sure I am there if you come looking for me. I'll be there to celebrate with you when you are happy about something. I'll be there to try to help you through it when things go wrong. But it is in a quiet way, steady, slow, silent.
The problem is that while I definitely do not want to be the center of things, I like the background..... I do wanna know people care, that they see me, that they remember I am there, holding things up in the background. Sometimes I feel forgotten. Lost. Because invisible you know. But that doesn't work for me. I need to feel remembered and cared about, or I quietly walk away, because I don't know what else to do.
Once, as a kid, I had a meltdown, and loudly cried, saying to my family, "you treat me like a speck of dust in the corner." They dismissed this, and laughed about it for years after. But the sentiment holds true today. Back then I was crying out, trying to articulate the same thing I am still trying to articulate today. That I need to be seen. I need to matter. Because even if I am invisible, I am still there, thinking and feeling, and holding things up in the background.